


Why Would I Let You Go?

by amyponders



Category: Marvel, Wolverine (Movies), Wolverine and the X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood Kink, Canon Related, Dialogue Light, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inner Dialogue, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Older Man/Younger Woman, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 15:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyponders/pseuds/amyponders
Summary: Logan is a teacher at Xavier's school and young Jean is his favorite pupil. He knows that he shouldn't desire her, but he does, and their relationship will uncover a past liaison of Logan that should've been best left unrevealed.





	1. Playing With Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I ever posted, but I deleted it, reworked it and now I’m reposting. This is supposed to be set on the timeline of the new movies and with the new actors in mind, but it's not exactly canon compliant. It's what I imagine would happen if Logan had interacted with a young Jean, Marie, Hank, Scott, etc. while still teaching at the mansion. Inaccuracies and canon contradictions are bound to happen because they are not much the concern of this fic. I still hope you enjoy :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan accidentally says more than he should and things turn up a notch.

When Logan woke up he realized he hadn’t been dreaming. She was there. His heart started thumping violently in his chest. Of course this also meant that Jean had another one of her nightmares last night, and that whatever the Professor was trying to do to calm her wasn’t working, but he allowed himself to be selfish for just a second and relish the fact that she’d needed him enough to risk being caught sneaking into his room, because she didn’t want to spend the night alone. She’d come knocking on his door dressed in her lovely blue pajamas, with her face covered in sweat and tears. As soon as he saw her he grabbed her lithe arms and closed the door behind them, after looking both ways down the hallway to make sure no one saw them. He’d listened to her recounting her nightmare, promised her that everything was okay, and that if anyone should try to harm her, they would have to go through him first. Then he offered her his bed before she asked him —in what was barely a whisper— if he’d stay with her on the bed and hold her. He knew it was a dangerous line to cross, sleeping next to her, but hell, it was dangerous just allowing her to stay on his room.

 

Logan slowed his breathing down, he sat up and looked at her. Jean was still sleeping soundly and breathing ever so softly. He took a long minute to appreciate her face; her fiery red hair; her proud high cheekbones; her dark, curling lashes that shadowed her face; her small feline nose; her plump pink lips that seemed to beckon him like a siren calling out to a sailor on a rocky beach. She had one arm thrown across the bed carelessly, blissfully unaware of the effect she had on him. Her scarlet hair was falling down on one side of her face, framing her features and giving her an effectively angelic look. She had never looked so beautiful in his eyes.

 

It was a shame he was gonna have to wake her up before anyone else woke up and make it impossible for her to go back to her room undetected. He rocked her arm slowly trying to wake her up, and after increasingly harder shakes and still no answer on her part, he decided to let her sleep and just take her up in his arms. He opened the door carefully and listened for footsteps or voices coming from any direction. After making sure that the hallways were empty he found her room on the other side of the south wing of the manor. He opened the door slowly to find Marie, her roommate, still sleeping. Logan walked his massive body throughout the wooden floor and somehow managed to be noiseless. He put her on her bed and covered her with a blanket before heading for the door, not before throwing a last glance Marie’s way to make sure she was still knocked out, more out of precaution than anything else. He knew very well that Marie was a heavy sleeper.

 

Logan walked back to his room and closed the door carefully. He took his shirt off. It smelled of Jean. Then he took his pants off, liberating his throbbing parts and he grunted at his body. He walked up to his bathtub and turned on the water. _Cold shower it is._ He shivered as soon as the frigid water touched his skin. _Go away._ He tried to think of something, anything to take his mind off her. Her full lips, her graceful neck, her soft breasts, her thick thighs, her rounded hips... they were all out of his reach. He felt the all-too-familiar pressure tugging down low. It didn’t help that her scent still lingered on his skin. He wondered how much time he could wait until going completely insane over her. Not much, he suspected. He turned the dial all the way down to the coldest setting and shuddered.

 

“Pull it together, man. She's your student.” He whispered to himself. _Oh, but she’s much more than that._ The Wolverine said. “That’s it. We’re going out now.” He muttered.

 

He needed to blow off steam. If it can't be her then some other girl is gonna have to do. Lucky for him, he had the whole morning free to go hunt his prey. The Wolverine smiled. He turned off the shower head and headed for the door.

 

\---

 

The afternoon came, and his favorite hour was here. He turned to the door expectantly, waiting for Jean to walk in. She got into the classroom in a hurry but found a second to greet him warmly with a smile before walking to her chair. Very discreetly he watched her hips swaying as she sauntered to her usual chair near the back of the room. Suddenly, he remembered the wild encounter he’d had with a petite redhead just a few hours ago. She was an old acquaintance of his that seemed more than happy to go out of her way to please him, and he took full advantage of it. He felt a strange feeling of... guilt? Logan felt embarrassed and didn’t even had a good excuse as to why. After all, he was single. And Jean had never given him any kind of hope. Not that there was room for any. There were no romantic ties between them, right? Besides, the redhead hadn’t been the first, or certainly last fling he would have.

 

At first, he had tried hard to forget about Jean, and focus solely on the woman in front of him and how to give her pleasure. But he found his mind wandering back to Jean every so often. So much so that by the end he’d resigned himself and allowed himself to think of Jean. Never mind that he almost said her name when climaxing, because he certainly had thought about her through and through. After all, that had been the whole point of going out of the school in the day, wasn’t it? He wasn’t going to kid himself anymore. The goal was to calm the Beast by taking out his fantasies with Jean on another woman, since he was certain Jean would never be his.

 

But right now, with her sitting just a few feet away from him, and staring up at him with her big doe eyes and dangerously wet lips he wasn’t sure it had fully worked. He felt his pants getting tight again and he was very glad he was sitting behind his desk, fully covered from spying eyes. He cursed internally, first at himself, then at his volatile member that always seemed to put him in the most uncomfortable situations whenever it came to her. He returned her piercing gaze with an equally piercing one. She seemed almost excited to see him, the little temptress.

 

Jean was lost in her thoughts, reminiscing about earlier that day. She’d remembered the nightmare, but she also remembered spending the night in his room. In his arms. Feeling warm and protected. Logan had brought her up to her bed in the early morning apparently, taking all the necessary measures for them to not get caught. She was very glad he had more common sense than she did, and felt a sense of pride at the thought of him protecting her reputation. She had to get ready for class though, so she made her way to the bathroom and turned the water on, the stream a calming sound to her ears. She was undressed and ready to go in, but then it hit her. If she showered, it would wash away the smell. Finally, it was _on_ her and not _around_ her. Jean was kidding herself if she thought having his musky scent all over her would not make her day ten times more bearable. Besides, no one had to know. _No one, except him. Maybe._ She thought, mischievously. She wanted to see if he would catch up on that, so she decided to get dressed instead and walked out of her room and into her classes with a sly smile in her lips. It would be their little secret.

 

Logan started explaining his lesson on the Cuban Missile Crisis, while searching for her eyes as he usually did. On the air, however, he noticed the ever-sickly-sweet scent changing into an alluring, red-hot, inviting one. It was the smell of arousal. He saw her twist in her seat, her eyes unfocused and her lips parted in two, cheeks an immoral red. She held the pencil up to her mouth and breathed out painfully slow. He didn’t even know if she was aware of what she was doing. Suddenly he felt a pang of jealousy. What could she be thinking about? More like, _who_ was she thinking about? Perhaps a boy from class. He tried to ignore the scent and focus all his attention on completing the lesson, but he found himself incapable of doing so. At last, he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Jean.” He brought her out of her reverie. “Eyes up front, love.” He said in a strangely territorial tone.

 

That's right. He’d called her ‘love’ in front of the whole classroom. At least he hoped that if the object of her desire was in there he would feel dejected and knocked down to second place. Make no mistake, Logan was first. She blushed an almost purple shade then lowered her eyes in submission. Next thing she did was press her knees close together and change position. The wind still carried her scent. It was unbearable. He was losing his shit. But he had to get through this lesson. He continued teaching as best as he could, and by the end of it he asked her to stay behind a minute. Some kids, Marie included, were still talking in the back of the room, and they wouldn’t leave. But they looked immersed enough in their own shit to even care about their conversation, so he figured it was safe to speak.

 

“Can you explain something to me?” Logan began in a low tone. But another smell hit him right in the nose. It was... his own. And it was coming from her. How come he didn’t notice it before?

 

She nodded in silent agreement. “Did you even shower?” He spewed out next in disbelief.

 

“...No.” She admitted in a flush.

 

“Why?” He was intrigued.

 

“I... didn’t have time. Woke up very late.” She lied, her heart skipping a few beats.

 

“Hmp.” He chuckled calmly, then leaned in closer in an effort to get her to do the same. And she did. What he was about to say definitely couldn’t be heard by anyone on the school. “Well, Ms. Grey. You smell so damn good I could just eat you up m’self.” A sudden boldness overcame him and he just laid it out there.

 

She stared at his eyes for the longest five seconds in history, then smiled with her wickedly sinful lips. “And I’m sure I’d love it, Mr. Howlett.” She said teasingly and turned her back on him, striding away confidently, her hair bouncing flawlessly. She wasn’t sure how those words managed to escape her lips, but two could play this game.

 

\---

 

He had lost it. He had absolutely and most certainly lost it. He went straight up to his bedroom after closing the classroom. He excused himself to the Professor by phone saying he had to sort out a private matter that couldn’t wait, and promised to catch up on the work he’ll miss today. Anything to get a moment for himself, to fully realize the seriousness of the shit he had just told her, and more importantly to come up with a plan to do some damage control. What had he done? He punched a nearby wall in frustration and looked at his reflection in the mirror in disappointment, his chest heaving up and down. Alright, he had an idea. He would tell her the truth. Well, half the truth. That he was just caught off-guard by the scent she was giving away: of pure arousal. And that he had a shameful lapse, but he apologized and it would never happen again. He inhaled deeply one last time, before opening the door. He had to go looking for her now. However, on the other side of the door Jean stood with her knuckles up, ready to knock at his door. They were both surprised to see each other, but Logan reacted first and grabbed her a little too harshly by the elbow and threw her inside his room, before swiftly closing the door.

 

“Jean.”

 

“Logan.” She said half-amused. A smile suddenly spreading on her lips.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

She strode past him and sat on his bed uninvited, putting her backpack distractedly beside her on the hardwood floor, and then gazed at him through her dark lashes that covered her emerald eyes. “I came here to collect a… debt... of sorts.” She said, suddenly feeling brave.

 

“What debt?” He could feel the color draining from his face.

 

“Y’know. The thing you offered to me in the classroom. Maybe you don’t remember. Here, I’ll help you: You said you could ‘just eat me up’...” There was a long pause but at last she continued: “Are you a man of your word, Logan?” Jean said in a sultry voice. Desire splattered all over her face.

 

He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. When had she turned into this seductive Lolita of sorts? The Wolverine was loving it, but his common sense was not. _This isn’t right. I have to put her back in place and send her off before we’re both caught._

 

“Relax. I’m kidding.” She said next, laughter escaping her lips somehow. She returned to her usual slightly coy self.

 

He sat down on his sofa chair, trying not to lose his ground. She was confusing him all the way.

 

“Although...” She went on. “You did say something very serious. So, this is _me_ trying to get an explanation out of _you_ before reporting you to the Professor.” She sounded like she was joking. He certainly hoped so. _Do something._

 

“I’m... sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just... I caught a whiff off you across the room. And you were... well, it seemed to me that you were... How to put it nicely? … Aroused.” He explained awkwardly, trying to follow his original plan.

 

“And..?” She pressed on.

 

“I was... concerned.” He lied.

 

“Concerned? So... you decided to throw a line at me, hoping I’d bite?”

 

“...Yes?” He replied in what sounded more like a question than an answer.

 

She chuckled. “That was a terrible plan, Logan.”

 

“Was it?” He asked absentmindedly.

 

She got up from the bed and started walking around, assessing everything she could lay her eyes on. “Well, I do have an awful lot of questions about... sex lately. My friends can’t seem to stop talking about it and I’ve even... seen some things on the internet...” She traced off blushing. Logan raised an eyebrow. “Is that... anything like how it looks like?”

 

He stared at her in confusion.

 

“Sex.” She clarified for him. “How does it feel?”

 

He was taken aback by her question. He cleared his throat. Was this the sort of questions a teacher was supposed to answer to his student? While inside a private bedroom nonetheless?

 

“No.” He answered her previous question. When she tilted her head to the side he went on. “It’s better. A thousand times better.” He said truthfully. _Want me to show ya?_ The Wolverine retorted.

 

She stared at him for a few seconds before saying: “Sorry. It’s just... I had something happen to me a few nights ago... and I’m... curious, you could say.” She said distractedly touching the handle on one of his drawers with her graceful fingers.

 

He wondered what it had been. Maybe she had made out with some guy from her class. Logan felt a hint of envy nibbling at him from the inside.

 

“Don’t you have a class to teach?” She went on, changing the subject abruptly.

 

“Uh, no. I excused myself to the Professor.”

 

“Why?” She asked playfully, her incisive green eyes drilling holes through his skull.

 

When he didn’t answer she bit her lip self-consciously. He was sitting adamant on his chair. He had grown impassive, thinking long and hard about what his next move should be. Was he going to give in?

 

“Well.” She began, realizing that she wasn’t gonna get much out of him. She had to admit she was kind of disappointed. She came to his room picturing a very different kind of outcome, like the one in her secret fantasies. “I guess I should go, before I get us into trouble.”

 

He shifted in place before she turned for the door. The sudden movement half dissolving her resolve to leave. “Is there something you want to tell me?” He inquired from her.

 

“Uh... no.” She retorted.

 

“Are you sure?” He said in his baritone voice. “Because your whole body is just _screaming_ otherwise.” Logan stood up and strode leisurely up to her. Like a predator circling his prey.

 

“Yeah.” She breathed out.

 

He could see it in her eyes that she was growing more scared by the second. _Oh, how the tables have turned._ The beast growled.

 

“C’me here.” He ordered and stood very close to her, so close that she could feel the heat that emanated from his body and sent electrical currents through her skin.

 

He gave her a side smile before putting a hand behind her, near the small of her back and jerking her body forward, his height towering over her smaller yet willowy frame. Her legs trembled, and she felt her knees buckling. She looked at his bright hazel eyes, suddenly aware of the lack of oxygen in the room. He stared into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity, then leaned in dangerously close to her mouth, he parted his lips and exhaled before unexpectedly backing away a few steps. She felt as if he had slapped her across the face. How dare he do that? Grab her like every woman lusts to be held, then pull away leaving her high and dry? She blinked embarrassed, turning her face away from him in an effort to not make a fool of herself more than she already had. _This is what you get for coming in here all confident and brave trying to outsmart someone who’s been alive for longer than your entire bloodline._ A knot formed on her throat and she felt fresh tears forming in the back of her eyes. She let them spill, silencing a sob against her hand.

 

He knew he was playing with fire, and also acting like a dick. But he just had to get a reaction out of her, test her determination. The thought of having her all for himself with near impunity inside those four walls was exhilarating. Logan walked across his room and leaned back into one of his drawers, crossing his arms over his chest while he looked at her figure, still facing the wall. When she turned around her face had changed drastically. She looked like a small child who had been denied her favorite toy. And she wasn’t happy about it. He raised an eyebrow, wondering if he should preoccupy himself with her quick resolve. After all, to him she looked about as menacing as a wet kitten. But then he saw the tears covering her cheeks. _Well, fuck._

 

She closed her eyes and started making her way up to him, her sense of smell guiding her flawlessly. She stopped short in front of him and said in the smallest voice: “Stop playing with me, Logan. I’m not stupid.”

 

She breathed out through her tears. She had caught him off guard. Again. Still with her eyes closed, she found the courage to move forward and brush her lips against his, changing his hard posture. He tensed at the gesture for a split second, but then immediately relaxed as he realized what was happening. He kissed her back eagerly, yet kind of afraid that she was going to pull back at any moment, so he didn’t dare move. After three, four, five seconds she moved in closer, clearly wanting to be held, so he obliged. He grabbed each of her arms with one of his hands rendering her immobile. She couldn’t escape now, even if she wanted. She was the first to deepen the kiss, pushing experimentally at his lips with her tongue, begging him to let her in, and he did. He tasted her for the first time and it was infinitely better than he ever imagined. But as quickly as she leaned in closer, she also pulled back, changing swiftly like the waves of the sea, like fiery flames against the wind.

 

Jean spoke next bringing him out of his trance, he opened his eyes at the sound of her voice. “Hold me.” Was all she said.

 

He lifted her off the ground in one sweeping motion and carried her to the bed without stopping to think about it. He set her down gently and closed the curtain that let the rays of sun inside his room, putting everything in a way harsher light than the one they needed right now. He took off his shoes and climbed besides her, resting an arm behind her head while she cuddled up to his wide chest. Her scarlet hair falling in messy ringlets close to his face, intoxicating his nose with her tantalizing scent. She extended one of her hands searching for his hand and intertwined their fingers together.

 

After a very long silence he whispered to her: “You’re not getting any extra credits for this.”

 

She burst out laughing and replied: “Don’t worry. That’s not what I’m after.”


	2. You're Trembling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Jean take a bath together.

When she entered his classroom the next day the first thing she did was look to his desk, searching for his face. She was dying to see him, all day fidgeting at the edge of her seat in every class. So the disappointment when she walked in to an empty chair was more than obvious. He was never late or absent. The class was rumoring low, but they still not dared go away, even if classroom regulations stipulated that they could leave the room unpunished if their teacher was more than 10 minutes late. None of them ventured deal with Mr. Howlett’s temper. After precisely 17 minutes (that she counted in exasperation), he walked in and she sighed in relief. She wondered what had been so important as to delay him that much. He apologized to the class promptly, and started his lesson without wasting any more time, occasionally eyeing Jean. At the end of the session she stayed behind as she did almost every day now. And as usual he didn’t look surprised. He took to the door however, and closed it with a soft click.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Nothing, darlin’.” He assured her in a calm voice.

 

“You are _never_ late.” She was right.

 

“I was just helping Wanda with something.”

 

“The all-powerful mutant Wanda needed your help? To do what, lift a house?” She said sarcastically, trying to think of the biggest exaggeration she could, but even that fell short.

 

Jean knew very well that Wanda Maximoff was capable of performing some truly strange, yet amazing feats. Ever since she and her brother started boarding with them at the school, Jean felt a weird sense of relief at no longer being the one everyone was afraid of. At long last there was another loose cannon, another more dangerous mutant to be worried about. And as far as she knew, Wanda was messed up, big time. Both her and her brother had a long history of trauma that the Professor and Hank were trying to deal with, with mixed results if gossip was any indication.

 

“No.” He answered collected. “She had an episode of sorts. It happened early this morning so by the time the Professor called me in, it had already been sorted out, but she still wanted to talk to me.”

 

“What for? Please, tell me you’re not his errand boy now.” Jean asked, jealousy getting the best of her. She didn’t know herself at times.

 

“It’s... complicated, Jean.”

 

Jean raised her eyebrows in a defiant attitude. “Try me.”

 

“It’s personal. I can’t tell ya. But it’s not anything that affects us.” He said in a low voice. “She just wanted to give me some instructions on what to do in case it happened again. Seein’ as I’m the only mutant with a healing factor around here.” He answered truthfully.

 

“I don’t like it.” Jean said, fully aware that she sounded like a spoiled brat.

 

“No one does. But I had to do it. Just let it go, alright?” He sighed exhausted and leaned against his desk. “Can I tell you something?” He said next, his voice taking a much more dulcet tone.

Jean nodded sluggishly.

 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, last night after you left, and all morning today.”

 

She didn’t know whether to believe him or not. He could be saying anything just to change the subject. So, she decided to test him.

 

“Yeah? Well, I barely thought about you.” She answered in an unforgiving tone.

 

He frowned.

 

“Not when I went to sleep. Or later when I woke up. Or when I took a very long, hot shower...” She said trying to get a reaction out of him. She found his fingers and laced them up with hers.

 

He smirked going along with her ruse and replied: “Glad to see you’ve forgotten all about me.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

She leaned into his face and kissed him on the cheek gently, and he let her. She then moved her face to his other cheek and kissed him again, very slowly. Profiting from her readiness, Logan grabbed her by the hips and made her turn so that now she was the one pinned to the desk and under his weight. He kissed her on the lips hard, then proceeded to lick her mouth, tasting her lips with hunger before kissing her again, more roughly this time. He lifted one hand up from her waist and stroked her chin lightly. He started making his way up from her mouth to her cheeks then down to her neck, planting hot kisses everywhere he could get his mouth on. He bit her skin there, and soon hard breaths were escaping her mouth, her breathing getting more and more labored under his expert touch. He then took his mouth to her ear and nibbled at the earlobe, successfully driving her crazy.

 

“Logan...” She whispered. “We can... get caught... Not here. Stop. Stop it. Ahhh.” She moaned, the sound making her warning all but useless. But he obeyed somehow, maybe because there was a sudden noise outside the door that broke his concentration. “Later...” She promised in a fuzz.

 

Her head was spinning endlessly. Her heart beating so fast she thought it might give up.

 

“I will hold you to that.” He replied smiling proudly, as he took a thumb to his mouth and dried his lip. She took a hand to her head, trying to regain her balance.

 

“Are you okay?” Logan questioned her.

 

“Yeah.” She lied. “I just remembered I am late for something... But we can, uh... meet later.” More like she was late for her own funeral, she felt like passing out from the nerves. She was starting to sweat. God, this whole romance thing seemed a lot better in movies, when it didn’t make her head foggy and her senses go all haywire.

 

“My room. 11pm. Don’t get caught... and most of all, don’t be late.”

 

She nodded before slipping away from the classroom. She needed to lay down for a second.

 

\---

 

At about 10:50pm a very impatient Jean started making her way out of her room. Marie was asleep, and she couldn’t have been more grateful that she’d decided to turn herself in early tonight. She tiptoed around the mansion’s corridors as quiet as a mouse and reached her destination quicker than she thought. She stopped short before knocking, trying to normalize her breathing and tell herself that she was in control. Nothing farther away from the truth, as she was about to be completely dominated by The Wolverine and she didn’t know it. Or did she? I mean, what else she could be expecting to happen tonight, if not her wildest fantasies finally coming to life? She was scared beyond words, but also equal parts excited and eager. She knocked two times softly before he opened the door. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white wife beater that clung to his skin. She slid quickly past him to avoid being seen. He locked the door and turned around to greet her.

 

“You’re early.”

 

“I take our lessons seriously.” She said ironically.

 

Logan smiled and walked up to his bed. He sat on the edge and looked expectantly at her. She chose to sit down on the leather chair directly opposite of him, favoring the distance for now. She could hear the beat of her heart pounding hard like a drum in her ears. She was sure he could hear it too.

 

“What are you teaching me today, Mr. Howlett?” She asked timidly.

 

He chuckled low. “Whatever ya want me to show you.” He answered looking at her intently. His hazel eyes gleamed in the soft light of the room.

 

“Logan?” She pleaded, her eyes scanning him keenly.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I need to tell you something... before...” She trailed off.

 

He stayed silent.

 

She didn’t know exactly how to phrase it, but she was feeling extremely vulnerable, and even though she had come here of her own accord, she still wanted him to acknowledge her feelings and not treat this as just any other encounter. She wanted a night to remember.

 

“I know you probably have a different woman every week-” She started and he frowned, sitting forward. “-And that’s fine!” She continued in a hurry. “But I... haven’t exactly had any… experience.”

 

“I know.” He admitted coolly.

 

She went on despite the light blush that covered her face. Was it that obvious, her lack of experience? Suddenly, she felt every inch the school girl she was.

 

“What I mean is... you probably don’t even remember your first time.”

 

“Are you calling me old?” Logan asked just to tease her, a small smile spread on his lips.

 

“Please, let me finish... You may not remember it but... I want to.” She admitted embarrassed.

 

He nodded in understanding. “I get it. No worries, sweetheart.” He said. “And you’re wrong. I do remember my first time. This mind never forgets.” He said in an almost wretched tone.

 

“You do?” Jean asked suddenly curious.

 

“Yes. She was very beautiful.”

 

A million questions passed through her head. How long ago had this happened? What was her name? Did he miss her sometimes? How had he felt? Did he love her? Had he ever fallen in love? Did he ever wish for more than just one night with the women he met? How... had he known what to do? Jean seemed to grow small in her seat, anxiety taking over her again.

 

“Kitten?” He called her by a sweet nickname.

 

“Yeah?” Jean answered hazily.

 

“We don’t have to do anything. I won’t force ya’. There’s no need to rush.” He said candidly. She looked down to the floor but said nothing.

 

“I’m nothing but a patient man.”

 

“But... I want to.”

 

“You’re trembling.” He pointed out very matter-of-fact.

 

It was true, her arms were shaking like crazy. “I’m just... cold.” She only half lied. She felt cold and hot all at the same time. It was like a heavy fever was making her body behave erratically.

 

“I have an idea. Come with me.” Logan stood up and walked to the bathroom.

 

She followed sluggishly behind, begging her shaking feet to cooperate. They entered his bathroom and he locked the door. They could never be too careful. He started taking off his shirt, and she eyed him shyly from the corner of the room. Jean glanced at his torso with a bitter longing, then down at the round and spacious jacuzzi-like bath in the middle of the room. There was only a soft amber light coming from the ceiling that set a very romantic atmosphere. But never mind that, how on earth had he managed to bribe the Professor to let him have a hot tub in his room?

 

“Go ahead, I won’t look.” He reassured her, yet she was unsure of what to do next. She figured she might as well go in, she already came all this way.

 

“Alright.” Jean replied and waited till he turned his back before taking off her spaghetti strapped top and her pajama bottoms.

 

When she was sure that he would not turn around she unhooked her bra and then carefully removed her underwear and threw them to the side. It was pointless to be so cautious though, in a moment she would be stark naked inside of the bathtub with him. She tested the water with her right hand, it was hot but not unbearably so. She sat inside of the bath, suddenly glad that he had thought this through. There was a thick foamy lather covering the water, and in turn, her naked body. It gave her a small sense of security. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

 

“I’m in.” She said in a low voice, watching him as he turned around and put his hand directly on top of his belt. He undid it swiftly and it thumped hard on the floor, then he unbuttoned his pants with one hand. Her eyes were glued to him. Logan slid off his jeans and succeeded in making her suck air quietly. Jean averted her eyes, but it was too late. He was going commando. _Of course he is. This man isn’t scared of anything, not even chafing._ She thought, and a silly giggle escaped her mouth. She really had to work on controlling her emotions.

 

“What’s so funny?” He inquired frowning, suddenly feeling his manhood attacked.

 

“Nothing. It’s just that... Doesn’t that... burn? I mean, I tried not wearing any underwear once and I could feel the fabric just rubbing incessantly. It was... very annoying to be honest.” She confessed, still averting her eyes but she could see him from the corner of her eyes standing unapologetically with his hands on his hips. Clearly, being in full display didn’t bother him.

 

For a second, he pictured her going bare and felt his self-control wavering a little. He was jealous of jean friction. A new low, even for him. “Well, for us feral mutants it’s easier. Preferable even. I would be naked all the time if I could. Clothes are... burdensome.” He smiled and finally sat down next to her.

 

Jean decided it was safe to look his way again. She moved in the water, searching for his arms. He was sitting flush next to her, so she didn’t have to search much. She rested her head in between his shoulder blade and his neck and sighed out loud. He passed an arm behind her and brought her close, comforting her wordlessly. In an unexpected move she pecked his lips chastely, then leaned down again.

 

“Jean?”

 

“Mm?”

 

“What did you mean when you said that ‘I probably have a different woman each week’?”

 

“Well... you know...” She replied playing with the water, forming little waves with her hand, a little too scared to look at his face.

 

“No. I don’t.” He answered blankly.

 

“You’re... you!”

 

He raised an eyebrow. “And?”

 

She sighed uncomfortable, wondering if she was only going to make things worse by explaining that statement. “You’re... very attractive, alright?” She whispered reluctantly. “And single. And… manly.” She continued awkwardly, still avoiding his gaze. “I am one hundred percent sure that women (and a few men probably) just... throw themselves at you. So, with those odds in your favor...” She trailed off. “Besides isn’t that what men like to do? Sleep around like crazy.”

 

“For starters I have standards. But thanks for that assessment, I guess.” He replied in a voice chock-full of irony.

 

“Sorry, but you asked.” She replied justifying her answer.

 

“I feel like you have me on a box here.” Logan said.

 

“If I’m wrong, then prove it.”

 

He inhaled the warm air and thought of his latest encounter with his redhead friend, then he thought of Storm, and Marie and the countless others that came before them. He realized with embarrassment that she was right. In his defense he had lived over a century, so being a one-woman kind of man didn’t exactly cut it for him. But on the other hand, he had constantly avoided forming a stable relationship since he broke up with Marie. In retrospective, his womanizing habits probably weren’t the healthiest thing in the world. And he knew it. He also knew that if he was going to be sleeping with Jean now, the Storm fling had to end for good.

 

Logan wasn’t sure how collected Storm would be, they’d agreed to keep it strictly physical, no feelings involved, but still... even sweet Storm had a steely temper capable of bending even his own. That’s what had attracted him to her once upon a time. He’d have to find a moment to talk with her because Jean could be a legit reason to bring him out of the hiding spot he had carved for himself and his broken heart. But of course, it could never happen. Not really. Not fully. He wasn’t entirely sure what Jean even wanted out of him. And even on the extreme situation that she corresponded his feelings, how could they ever be together? For now, meeting in secret was fine, but experience told him that kind of relationship usually ended in tragedy and bitterness, if Marie was any indication. His heartbeat ached in his chest. He wished he could find a way to make possible the impossible.

 

“Logan?” Jean called out to him.

 

“You’re probably right.” He admitted in defeat. _But you can change that. No. Don’t say that out loud. You’ll scare her._

 

“I knew it.” She said smiling and shaking her head to hide the disappointment in her voice.

 

“Am I... still just your student?” She asked slowly.

 

“No. You’re more than that. C’mon, Jean. You know this.” He retorted. He ran his fingers absently up and down her arm, feeling her silky-smooth skin.

 

“But I’m still not better than Storm.”

 

“Who told you that?”

 

“No one had to. I just know.” Jean answered, her voice strangely devoid of any emotion.

 

“I thought we were taking things slow.”

 

“And I thought I told you...” She turned to face him and whispered resolutely in his lips: “I don’t want to.”

 

He felt her moving in the water until she was facing him. _God, she’s beautiful_. He closed his eyes and received her wet kiss, the smell of the fragrant soap in her hair enveloping his senses. They made out slowly until her head was whirling and he couldn’t hide his arousal anymore.

 

“We should... stop.” He said in a haze.

 

“Why?” She asked, her voice equally hazy.

 

“Because... I don’t wanna be held responsible for what happens next.”

 

“Then do it. Just do it. I’m not gonna stop you. Make me yours.” She begged him, in between flavorful kisses.


	3. Are You Mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean’s first time with Logan.

As soon as those words escaped her lips he stood up, grabbing her by the hips to make sure she wouldn’t slip. He walked out of the tub, reaching for the bathroom door handle, but stopped instead to kiss her, unable to separate himself from her now that he had her. He pinned her against the wall with one hand and with the other reached down for the doorknob, his concentration split between not letting her soapy body slip in his grip and unlocking the door that would give way to his most precious fantasy coming to life. He managed to open it with one sweeping motion and walked forwards to the bed, with Jean clinging frantically to his torso. He threw her on the bed and separated from her lips for a second only to appreciate her body. He wanted to see how she looked. how she _really_ looked underneath her clothes, to see if it would match what he had always imagined. But he was wrong. It was infinitely better.

 

Her milk-like skin seemed to shimmer in the low light, thanks to the bath water that still covered both their bodies in a light slippery coat. His eyes wandered far south, past her perfectly round breasts, her small belly button and unto her round hips. She had red marks in the form of his fingers all over them. He felt pride knowing he was the one that had made them. She was gasping for air and he couldn’t bear the heat overcoming him. He had to have her now. He grabbed one of her legs to give himself some impulse then he threw himself on top of her, pinning her arms hard against the head of the bed.

 

She wiggled her arms out of his grip and spoke in an airless voice: “Logan... please, please.” He positioned himself in between her legs, as her nails dug deep into the skin on his shoulders, drawing a little blood out.

 

“Breathe, darlin’.”

 

Jean complied, inhaling and exhaling profoundly before nodding. He watched her face as it contorted from pain to pleasure to fear and back to pleasure again. He could smell the blood coming out of her. The Wolverine stirred inside of him, pleased. They were the first, and so help him, last man who’d touch her. But he found himself incapable of moving, afraid to tear her in half. She was flushing violently and had her eyes closed to avoid his piercing gaze. She wasn’t sure she could take it. Not now. Logan finally dared move and before they knew it they were panting and grabbing the sheets and moaning like they were entirely alone in the house. Which wasn’t true. But for the life of him, he couldn’t care if they woke up the entire manor. When Logan saw the sweat beads running dangerously low past her torso he decided she was ready for The Wolverine to take his claws out and come to play a little. In a manner of speaking.

 

He sat up and coarsely bit her neck in hunger, then her chest, and all the way down to her stomach. Jean still had her eyes closed but Logan could feel, could see, and hear that she was enjoying herself just as much as he was. He wished she would open them, he wanted to look her in the eye as he owned her. After separating his mouth from her skin, he stopped and grabbed her by the waist with one hand. He then effortlessly turned her around until she was on her knees facing the wall. His fingers dug deep into the skin of her creamy thighs. She was probably going to bruise. _Good._ They wanted to let everybody know she was his now. Jean started making obscene noises again, but tried to suppress the sounds by taking a nearby pillow and stuffing her face in it.

 

 _Good girl_. The Wolverine growled. And he repeated it out loud.

 

In response she suffocated a cry and then raised her head gasping for air. “Logan..?” She spoke for the first time in long minutes. “I... can’t take it anymore...” She panted, then lowered her head back to the pillow.

 

“Not yet.” He growled. “First you hav’ta to tell me. Are you mine?”

 

“Ye- Yes.” Jean hissed.

 

“And mine only? You swear it?”

 

“Yes. Yes. I do.”

 

“Say my name.” He demanded.

 

“Logan.” She breathed out.

 

“No, kitten...”

 

“Wolverine!” She cried out the second before they both came undone, him at the sound of his name on her lips and her under his tightening grip on her neck.

 

She was trembling, partly because of him and partly because they had all the windows open and the cold air was hitting her body. And in a sudden rush of elation, he was happy. Maybe it was the long months he had to wait for her, the countless nights he laid in this bed thinking of her sweet smile or her shining eyes. Or the yearning he felt every time he got up in the morning knowing that he would see her again. Or maybe it was because of that old feeling he was so used to having, the one that cruelly told him he would never get close enough to even kiss her. But he’d been wrong, in the best possible way. And this right here felt better than winning the thousand battles he’d been in. Logan moved quickly and grabbed her by the waist. Jean was still facing the wall but had grown suddenly limp and lifeless, like she was about to pass out. She fell back sitting on his thighs. Her breathing slowed down to barely a rumor.

 

“Jean, darlin’?” Logan said moving to watch the profile of her face.

 

She inhaled slowly and opened her beautiful eyes but didn’t look his way. “Yes?” She replied.

 

“You okay?” He inquired.

 

“Mhm.” She nodded. “Can I please go have a shower?”

 

“Sure.” He reluctantly lifted his hands from her abdomen.

 

She got up faintly and marched straight to the bathroom, his seed mixed with blood dripping down the inside of her thighs. She closed the door, more out of habit than anything else. Past the hot tub there was a shower head near the corner. She wandered until she reached it and she opened it, the warm water falling on her skin and making her color return. She felt lightheaded and queasy. Like she could vomit at any second. She took a hand to her mouth, abruptly feeling her stomach turning. She tried to silence her gag reflex and succeeded after the second attempt. She breathed in slowly. _Calm down, Jean. Don’t ruin this._ She took a handful of his green shower gel, it smelled like pine trees. After that she rinsed her hair with his shampoo and washed her body carefully, paying special attention to her parts that felt swollen and sore. After she was sure she had washed well, Jean turned off the shower and went out to find a towel.

 

She dried herself as she looked in the mirror. She felt odd and wasn’t entirely sure why. She got what she wanted, and it had been amazing. Jean felt a tear running down her cheek, but instead of drying it she let it drop. Her emotions were playing whack on her. She couldn’t let Logan see her crying, though. He would think she was just a silly sentimental girl. Another tear fell. A sob escaped her mouth and she stifled it with her hand. _Jean, you big cry baby._ She sat down slowly on the ground, trying not to make a sound, knowing fully well that Logan could hear any strange noises she made. She cried silently for ten or twelve minutes. Halfway through it, Jean realized she was partly mourning her virginity and how strange his hands had felt on her body. It had been the most blissful she had ever felt, but also she couldn’t help but feel invaded. It was all so new and... intrusive? It would take her a while to get accustomed to it. Although, in the moment it hadn’t felt anything other than stimulating.

 

But more than anything she was crying because she had gotten herself into a big mess. From now on they would have to hide their every move, their every word, and if at some point they were discovered Logan would lose his job and she would be expelled with a big tarnish on her reputation. And if their family ever heard about it, that would be the end of her. Not because they cared who she dated, but rather because they just had to have a reason to hate her and mistreat her. She heard the knob on the door turning and saw Logan going through the door. She quickly reached for her face to dry the salty tears before he saw them, but it was too late.

 

His face fell, as did his heart on his chest. “Jean?” He asked almost hurt.

 

She stood up and faced the mirror, with her back to him, and didn’t answer.

 

“Tell me what’s wrong, darlin’.” He begged.

 

“Nothing. My stomach just hurts... really bad” She responded. She wasn’t lying.

 

As if on cue her belly twisted, and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. She covered her mouth again and looked apologetically at him. She knelt on the toilet and hurled, ashamed that her stomach had waited until he came in the room to empty itself. He knelt too and grabbed her hair to push it out of the way while she finished.

 

“That’s it. We’re going down to the infirmary.”

 

“Are you crazy? We can’t. There’s no excuse for us to be together at this hour. And very wet, both of us. They’ll know.” She said as soon as she wiped her mouth. “I’ll be fine. Just leave me alone for a second.”

 

He scanned her face before deciding she was right. Logan stood up from the floor and left the room. She sat back down again against the cold tiles and breathed. _Don’t drive him away._ She took a couple more minutes to regain her composure, then raised herself and took a swill of mouthwash before exiting the bathroom. She found him sitting on the bed, facing the bathroom door, clearly waiting for her to come out. A long frown crossed his face.

 

“Did I... do something wrong? Or hurt ya’, or somethin’?” He started.

 

“What? No. No. It was perfect.” She replied trying to dissipate his doubts. “It’s me. It’s just me… And my stupid body.” She said and opened her towel, letting it fall to her toes, trying not to think of his eyes on her body as she walked to the chair where he had folded her clothes neatly. Maybe he had grabbed them when she wasn’t looking.

 

His gaze trailed down to her body, she had bite marks and the shadow of his fingers clearly drawn against her skin in several places. They were already starting to bruise. He felt mortified and cursed the animalistic behavior he always tried to keep at bay, but was hard to control, especially when in bed.

 

“I hurt you. Look at you, your skin is turning purple.”

 

“Logan!” she said sternly. “I am _fine_. It’s not you.”

 

“Then what is it? Please, tell me.” She grabbed her clothes but ultimately decided to only put on her panties and bra. Suddenly she wanted to feel every inch of his skin against her and a strong urge to cuddle him came over her. _You’re the definition of fickle... and clingy_. Her head said. She pushed the thought aside and sighed.

 

“The truth?”

 

“The truth.” He repeated.

 

“I feel weird... and sad. And I don’t know why. I mean it was wonderful... more than amazing, but still I feel strange. I feel like I lost a part of me. So, I guess that was my body’s way of telling me I need to calm the fuck down.” She said referencing her sickness. “And also, I realized that this-” She motioned to them. “Can never happen. At least not outside of this room. We’re doomed to secrecy. And it bothers me. So much.”

 

“I see.” He countered.

 

“It doesn’t always have to be that way. I mean, you have less than a year until you’re 18. And if ya still want me by then I’m sure we can figure something out.” Logan said openly. “And about your feelings and your body, we can take it slow. Painfully slow if that’s what it takes for you to be okay with all of this.”

 

She nodded and marched towards his arms. “Can I stay here?”

 

He circled her waist with his arms. “I was counting on it.”

 

They moved until they were laying side by side on the bed and he turned the light off.

 

“Tomorrow’s Saturday so we should be alright.”

 

“Good.” She replied absentmindedly before closing her eyes. She only wanted to think about right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making Logan channel Edward Cullen's guilt at being a rough lover in Breaking Dawn lol, I couldn't resist.


	4. She Was With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their night together didn't go as smoothly as Logan wanted.

A harsh thump on the door made Logan sit up straight on the bed. He heard someone calling his name and he looked around in sudden panic. Jean still lay next to him and they could get caught. The door thumped again, louder this time.

 

“ _ Merde. _ Open up or I’m gonna tear this motherfuckin’ door down.” He could finally identify the voice, it was Remy. And he sounded pissed off. Logan didn’t have the time to wake Jean up and explain to her what was happening, so in a hasty decision he covered her hair and face with the blanket and decided to play it cool. Maybe Remy wouldn’t notice. Maybe.

 

“What?” Logan said annoyed while opening the door. He was in his underwear, and didn’t even bother to put a shirt on. But Remy seemed unfazed.

 

“Jesus, Logan! I’ve been knocking at your door for at least a minute straight.”

 

“I have a heavy sleep.” He retorted sarcastically. “What’ya want?”

 

“A student is missing. Well, Jean Grey is missing. Rogue-”

 

At the mention of Marie’s nickname Logan arched an eyebrow.

 

“I mean- Marie… her roommate, says she hasn’t seen her since yesterday night and she came worried to the Professor.” Remy spat out quickly.

 

“How can she be missing? It’s barely morning.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Remy shot back in a condescending tone. “It’s almost 3pm.” He continued, shooting a glance at his watch. “We figured you might know something, since you watch over her a lot.”

 

“Well, I don’t know anything. Last I saw her she was alright. And we don’t meet on weekends.” Logan replied trying to deflect the attention off him.

 

“Well, could you help us at least?” Remy said, only now looking past Logan’s frame and into the bed. He shot an eyebrow up at the figure on the bed.

 

“Fun night?” He said in a casual tone.

 

“Incredibly so. Listen, let me put some clothes on and I’ll look around. She’s probably wandering around the lake or in the greenery.” Logan said reliably.

 

“Huh. Okay... Have you, uh, seen Marie by any chance?” Remy asked in a suddenly concerned tone.

 

“No. Do I look like a lost and found to you? Wait downstairs.” Logan said and looked back at his bed. “Don’t worry. It’s not her.” He retorted and closed the door before Remy could reply.

 

Logan walked up quietly to his bed and woke Jean up. He motioned for her to be quiet and explained what was happening. He told her to sneak off his window and go out to the lake. He would walk around for a while to give her some time and then they would come looking to the greenery only to ‘find her’ there. They did it that way and when Remy saw that she had apparently been there all this time, he called the Professor to let him now.

 

“Just... don’t disappear like that. Okay, Jean?” Remy said, putting a hand on her shoulder before walking away. Logan narrowed his eyes at the touch. “I’ll leave you guys to it.” He said, acknowledging that Logan probably wanted to say a few words to his ward. Maybe to keep her from vanishing like that again.

\---

Next Monday came and Logan couldn’t wait to see her beautiful face after having not seen each other since Saturday morning. They agreed beforehand it was better to spend the day apart to avoid being seen together too much, or worse yet, people missing Jean and telling on the Professor, again. So, when she walked into the classroom he eagerly scanned her face. What was he exactly looking for? He wasn’t sure. Maybe a skipped heartbeat in her chest or a secret glimmer in her eyes that he’d know was there only for him. She passed right by his desk hurriedly, and it wasn’t until the last second that she gave him a sweet, short, furtive smile and kept strolling to her seat with an unreadable expression. He felt a little disappointed in her poker face. She was good at hiding her emotions. Maybe a little too good. 

 

At this moment his chest felt like it could burst with the thump of his strong heart, and he was counting the seconds until his students were all gone, and he got to have her in private for just a moment. But surely a moment would suffice to kiss her lips and hold her tight, to have her sigh in the crook of his neck before they had to go their separate ways again. After sitting, she took out her notebook and looked up front, only to find him staring not so subtly at her. Another blushing smile escaped her lips. The class went by slowly, every minute turning into an hour that seemed to mock their desire to be alone again. About halfway through the class though, Jean started to feel a pain in her belly. She shifted uncomfortably on her seat before she felt it again. She tried to breathe, turning her breaths into evenly spaced ones. She took a sip from a water bottle she carried with her and returned her attention to the front of the classroom. 

 

She’d spent all weekend since, well, since she lost her virginity to him with a stabbing ache in her belly, and bouts of nausea along with a decreased appetite. She figured it was because she was nervous and on edge all the time, unsure of where things were going and a little scared of the situation she had gotten herself into. A few minutes later the cramps started again. It couldn’t be her period since she’d had it less than two week ago. And besides it was too strong a pain to be a period cramp like the ones she usually had. One thing was for sure though, it was coming from her lower abdomen. The painful sting spread across her upper belly and over to her sides too. She furrowed her brow, and unconsciously hunched over her seat, putting two hands over her stomach to brace herself. Then she felt it again, only sharper this time. She winced, and a small cry escaped her mouth.

 

Marie, who was sitting next to her, called her name: “Jean? You okay, suga’?”

 

Noticing the exchange, Logan stopped talking and turned his attention to his favorite student. Her vision started to get blurry and quickly everything went black.

 

\---

 

Opening her eyes slowly, the first thing she was aware of was the bright white lights coming off the ceiling. After blinking slowly, she moved up trying to sit.

 

“Careful now.”

She heard a male voice she was certain she’d heard before. Then she felt a pair of hands guiding her into a seating position. “Dr. McCoy?” He smiled briskly in acknowledgment. 

 

“Yes, it’s me. But please, it’s just Hank.”

 

“What am I doing here?”

 

“I’m afraid you lost consciousness in Mr. Howlett’s classroom.”

 

“What?”

 

“He carried you in here after you passed out.”

 

She blinked and tried to look past the tall frame of Dr. McCoy. A figure started coming clear in her field of vision. No. Not just one. Many figures. She could make out Professor Xavier’s outline and Mr. LeBeau’s and Ms. Munroe’s. Jean remembered that she served as a part time nurse when the other nurse was absent. It seemed today was one of those days. And standing there a little behind them was Logan, who looked sort of spooked and almost as white as the wall behind him.

 

“Jean...” Continued speaking coyly Dr. McCoy.

 

“Yes?” She breathed in.

 

“I’m afraid I’ve got some difficult things to say to you.”

 

“Um.” Her head was whirling, and she couldn’t understand what was happening so the sooner he spoke, the sooner she would have some answers. “Go ahead.”

 

“Well, first off, while you lay unconscious we administered an IV drip. You were slightly undernourished.” Jean looked mechanically at her arm and at the small needle stuck there, then back to the doctor’s face. “Then we took you in for some X-Rays since no one knew the cause of your sudden sickness. But what we found out was both... very surprising and... uh, concerning. So, I need you to be completely honest with us. You’re in a safe space okay?”

 

“Okay.” She repeated still muddled. “Am I dying?” Jean spattered half-cynical.

 

“No. But your insides are all...” He struggled with his words. He’d never been very good with them as far as she’d seen. “...out of place.” He finally punctuated.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest. What on earth was he trying to say?

 

“I mean, your internal organs, particularly your uterus, seem to be misplaced. Your womb moved about 4 inches up, and it’s sitting currently behind your ribs. That’s what’s causing your pain.”

 

“My what is what?” She raised her voice emphatically.

 

“Your uterus.”

 

“No, I heard you.” Jean said shaking her head. “It’s just... How- what- how did that happen?”

 

“We were hoping you would clarify that for us.” The Professor spoke for the first time since she woke up.

 

“How do you even know I’m in pain? I mean, I passed out before I... could... say anything.”

“You’ve been grabbing your stomach since you sat, Jean.” Hank replied. “Besides, we have both a psychic and a feral mutant on the room. They can tell.” Hank smiled a little.

 

“I... have no idea what’s going on.” She said, instantly afraid for what this could mean to her. She remembered what happened on Friday night with Logan and her mind started piecing the information together. This was probably a consequence of that night.

 

“Jean...” Hank started speaking slowly, clearly trying to find a way to word the delicate subject.

 

“This is something we usually see on rape victims. In fact, I think I’ve seen this type of injury only on another girl once before. It’s  _ very _ rare.”

 

The color drained from her face as she looked at the small crowd gathered in the nurse room. Her insides started turning again and she got up with a hand over her mouth until she reached the sink and was able to empty the small contents of her stomach. Logan moved swiftly and grabbed her hair softly to keep it from getting dirty. It seems like this was becoming a habit for them. When she finished, he held her still in his arms, protective and reluctant to let go as she turned gradually to face Hank again.

 

“There’s something else too.” Dr. McCoy added.

 

Her knees felt weak, and a cold sweat had been gathering around her brow for some time now.

 

“Careful darlin’”, Logan said low and soothing while he walked her up to the gurney she had been laying in before. He stood up next to her like a faithful guardian, after all she was his ward and he had the right to look after her.

 

“There are heavy bruises all over your skin, deep purple spots... And some biting marks too. Ororo checked up on you while you rested, and they are all compatible with a man’s hands.”

 

Jean stared at him in bewilderment. She couldn’t believe what was happening. “So...” She started insecure. “What are you trying to say? That I was assaulted?”

 

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to do some further tests on you. The Professor approves.” Hank stated while motioning to Charles with his head. “Furthermore, he wants to speak to you later in private.”

 

Charles nodded solemnly. 

 

“What sort of tests?”

 

“Well.” He started embarrassed, displeased from having to say this to her. “It’s customary to recollect nail samples, as well as oral, vaginal and anal fluids for a rape kit. We also need the clothes you were wearing that day... And we need you to take a pregnancy test.” He added as an afterthought.

 

“A rape kit?!” Her voice rose an octave. “You can’t be serious!”

 

“We are.” Ms. Ororo spoke next. “Jean, these bruises look dangerous, like they were done in a moment of uncontrolled anger. And the X-Ray scans don’t lie. You’ve suffered some serious internal organ damage and we need to make sure you’re alright.” Her voice was calming but firm. 

 

Logan huffed, and Jean could see out of the corner of her eye that he was angry. At whom, though, she wasn’t exactly sure.

 

“I’m alright. I’m fine. I just have a bit of pain in my belly, but that’s all. No need to exaggerate.” She sounded desperate, she could tell.

 

“Sweetie, you’re going to have to undergo surgery.” Ms. Ororo added matter-of-factly.

 

The Professor spoke next: “Besides there are several hours between late Friday night and 4pm Saturday that were unaccounted for. Your roommate Marie was so worried about your disappearance that she came to me. Perhaps if you could tell us where you were or allow me to take a look inside your head I could help solve-”

 

“It’s none of your business.” Jean snapped and instantly regretted it. The Professor looked taken aback, but he gained his composure quickly.

 

“Jean...” she heard Logan say in a soft but reprimanding tone.

 

She didn’t know what to do. If she refused they would pin this on an anonymous, non-existent rapist, but if they took those samples and furthered the inquiries, they would probably find out who had really been the ‘perpetrator’, and both those options sounded extremely bad. She was caught between the rock and a hard place.

 

“I- I’m sorry, Professor. I don’t remember.” She pleaded at Charles with her eyes, hoping his empathetic abilities would help him understand when she didn’t want to press the matter further.

 

“Exactly. It’s most likely you were blacked out. Maybe from the shock of a horrific experience. Maybe you do remember but you don’t want to say his name... I’m sorry to put you in this position, Jean, but could it be possible that you went with someone to their room? A boy you liked from your class, perhaps? Maybe it started as a casual night, but it turned ugly and something happened that you want to tell us?” Ororo sighed. “Did someone hurt you?” She finished.

 

“No.” She said dryly. “I mean, I don’t remember.” She lied through her teeth.

 

“Alright, what’s the last thing you remember? Where were you before you were found by Remy and Logan in the greenery?” Ms. Munroe said in her soft, velvety voice.

 

“I was-” What was she supposed to say?

 

“She was with me.” Logan interrupted.

 

Remy eyed him confused. Jean did the same, as did the rest of the room.

“We meet sometimes on weekdays after class to... talk. Ever since before the incident with Scott. At 10pm more or less she returned to her bedroom. I made sure of it.” Logan lied.

“And then what?” Remy asked.

 

“Listen... Remy, Ororo, Charles, Hank. I know y’all have good intentions but at this moment I don’t think it’s a good idea to pressure her into anything. Let me speak to her in private and we’ll reach an agreement.”

 

They nodded and exited the room ceremoniously. 

 

“Talk some sense into her, okay?” Hank whispered to Logan before closing the door. 

 

When it closed Jean started laughing maniacally. It started as a small chuckle of incredulity, but later it grew into full-blown laughter. Logan moved in to block her from their frame of view. Out of earshot didn’t exactly mean out of sight, as they could still see inside the room through the glass pane, from where they were standing. She leaned her head in his chest as if she was crying but only chuckles came out. Logan was puzzled by her reaction but stroked her hair lightly and waited until she calmed down to ask her the meaning of it.

 

“How can you be laughing right now?”

 

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I can’t believe our luck. We’ve been so careful until now, but we’re about to get caught because you fucked me too hard and-” She started laughing again.

To be honest in this moment laughter was the last thing on his mind. Her health was in danger, she was aching all over, surgery awaited her, and now they wanted to start a rape inquiry that could lead them straight to him, and subsequently to their forbidden relationship. They’ll either assume he was her ‘rapist’, or worse, learn that it was consensual in which case they’ll expel her, fire him and half the mutant world would know what happened. The Professor would consider it a disgrace and there won’t be a hole deep enough for them to crawl into. A sharp stab of pain crossed her belly and quickly her laughter subsided. Logan scowled concerned. 

 

“It hurts more if I laugh. Or move, or breathe too deep.” Jean said between short gasps for air.

 

“Listen to me, kitten. We’ll outsmart them. We will. But for now, ya have to play along with their demands. And you need to have that surgery. I can’t stand the thought of you being in pain and me, well, me being at fault...”

 

She smiled sweetly and for a second, he could imagine they were in his room safely nestled, where the world could not get to them. 

 

“It only links to samples of DNA they’ve already taken from other rapes. And even if they start taking samples of DNA from every man in this school, that should keep them busy for a while.”

 

She nodded. “Alright.”

 

“And if they catch us, I’ll take full responsibility.”

 

“Logan!” Jean said his name astonished. “You’ll do no such thing.”

 

“Let’s face it. I’m the adult here. And if we admit to how things really happened you’re in for a life of rejection.”

 

The door opened.

 

“I don’t care!” She hissed.

 

“Well, I do!” He growled at her.

 

“Jean?” Hank said, clearly confused.

 

“I’ll do it, Hank!” Jean counterattacked.

 

“Could you give us one more minute?” Logan asked gritting his teeth and looking over his shoulder at him.

 

“Uh. Sure.” Hank closed the door again.

 

“You don’t- You don’t understand, sweetheart.” Logan breathed out and tried to put on a softer voice for her sake. “You’re the most important person to me right now. And I won’t have ya living out the rest of your life in shame because of me. I’m old. I’ve seen some shit. And as harsh as it might be, it won’t be the end of me. For you? I’m not so sure...”

 

“A little dramatic, are we?” Jean responded, trying to keep up her good spirits.

 

Logan kissed her forehead in a stolen second. 

 

“If you could only see...” He traced off. The longing in his voice was real, maybe too real, Jean thought. What was this feeling pulsating between them?

 

The door opened again. This time it was Ororo. She looked beyond concerned. “Let’s begin taking those samples. It’s better to do it within 72 hours.”

“I’ll be outside if you need me.” Logan said before turning on his heels. And with that he left, leaving Jean with an aching feeling in her stomach she wasn’t sure was entirely physical.

 

\---

 

After taking a heavy dose of painkillers, she exited the infirmary book in hand. Then she sat on the bench behind the bushes, distractedly eyeing her anatomy book. She couldn’t concentrate but still she tried. Everything became a distraction, from the soft rustle of the leaves, to her thoughts telling her that if they found out she was utterly screwed. Why was she here again? She couldn’t tell for sure. Maybe it was because it was the only secluded place she could come to be completely alone. What would happen if they decided to pursue the rape claims? Wasn’t her word that nothing had happened to her enough? They’ll probably think she was lying to protect her rapist. And in a way, wasn’t she? I mean, sure, Logan hadn’t raped her. She very much wanted what happened, but that didn’t matter much to the law now did it? She was still technically a minor, and therefore ‘unable to fully consent’. Not to mention Logan was over a hundred years her senior, and that didn’t help their case at all. She re-read the same sentence in her book for the fourth time, trying to put some sense into the words she was reading. 

 

The whole sample-taking thing passed her mind. It had been worse than humiliating to have Dr. McCoy open her up like a book, and awkwardly take swabs off her every hole, along with pictures of her bruises all over her hips, spread thighs, swollen nipples, neck and back. Ororo had been there following office regulations to always have a female nurse present. But still she was certain she would avoid him as much as she could from now on. She felt oddly invaded, more violated now after those tests than what the teachers claimed she had been before. And the smell of alcohol and room disinfectant still lingered on her hair weakly. There was only one thing she could do as of now. She’d have to suffer through it and improvise on the run. But right now, she only wanted to see him, to see Logan. And hug him and have him kiss her neck and caress her aching skin under the cover of his sheets, but she couldn’t exactly, could she? 

 

She’d only barely managed to convince Ms. Munroe and Dr. McCoy to let her go for ‘some fresh air’ to clear her head and keep studying. The fact that she was to undergo surgery tomorrow didn’t exactly free her from her homework. She was sure her professors would quiz her as soon as she got back on her feet. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was also scared about her upcoming surgery. She’d never had anything major done to her before, apart from a wisdom tooth removal. What if they screwed up and left her worse than she was already? She sighed deeply and lifted her eyes from the book, a crushing weight pressed in on  her chest every time she breathed. Looking into the distance, she saw Logan entering the mansion through the back door of the mansion hurriedly. She could have called him, but she didn’t. Maybe it was better this way, if he saw her out here he’ll freak out and scold her, then probably she’ll jump on his arms smiling despite the pain, and they had to avoid being seen too intimate in public. No choice but to suck it in and be a big girl, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see this chapter was a little longer, I didn't know where to split it. Also, I might have a fucked up sense of humor, but I find the whole misplaced organs thing hilarious. I saw a girl recounting a similar experience on Twitter and thought it would be funny to include it.


	5. The Way Lovers Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan goes visit Jean after her surgery and tries to deal with his feelings of guilt. Later Marie confesses something to Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Remy, he's a sneaky little shit. Maybe later I'll write a chapter from his POV. He's keeping a few things quiet ;)

“Doctor McCoy?”

 

“Yes, Jean?”

 

“When you said you’d seen this type of injury on just another girl before... Um... Who did you mean?”

 

“I’m afraid that’s confidential.” He said softly.

 

“But, I mean, was it here?”

 

“Unfortunately, yes. But that’s all I can say.”

 

Jean nodded silently and laid down on the gurney.

 

“Count back from ten.” Hank ordered.

 

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6-...”

 

\---

When Jean opened her heavy lids after the surgery, Logan was sitting on a chair nearby reading or pretending to read a newspaper. She tried to roll around in the bed to face him, but a piercing pain stopped her. Sharper than the one she’d had before the operation.

 

“Ow.” Her face contorted.

 

“Hey. Hey. Careful, now. Doc said you’re gonna be sore for a while.” He put the newspaper aside and stood up.

 

She looked at him and then down at her own belly. She lifted her hospital gown up to her breastbone trying to get a look at her scar. She was wearing a nude colored panty she didn’t even remember putting on, clearly it was the one provided to her by the infirmary.

 

“Woah, there.” Logan said fast. “There might be someone around.”

 

As if on cue the door opened, and Prof. LeBeau burst into the room.

 

“Is she awake yet?” He asked. “Holy sh-!” Remy averted his eyes, although a little too late. Jean covered herself with haste.

 

“Hey, Remy. Ever heard of knocking? Neat thing.” Logan said mockingly, a layer of annoyance coating his words. He moved to block her from his eyes instinctively.

 

“I’m sorry, really.” Remy said. His brow furrowed inquisitively. “How are you still here anyway?”

 

“The professor asked me to stay and watch over her. She’s still half drugged, you see. That’s why she’s trying to get her clothes off with us here.” He looked at her next: “Jean, you can’t do that in public, darlin’.”

 

“But I just wanted to look at my scar!” She said half pouting.

 

“I know.” Logan said. “But it’s not in good taste with men present.” He continued trying to throw Remy off his trail. Logan knew the southern-fried bastard had a razor-sharp wit and a quick mind that was almost as quick as he was on his feet. Nothing ever escaped him.

 

“Anyway...” Remy looked up from his shoes. “Ororo said to check up on Jean, but he didn’t tell me you were here. Maybe she meant for me to relieve you.”

 

“No way.” Logan replied.

 

“What’s that?” Remy asked, his eyes glinting.

 

“I said, that’s not necessary. She’s my student.”

 

“Mine too.” Remy uttered in a matter-of-fact voice.

 

“Ya know what I mean. We’re... closer.” Logan struggled for a word.

 

“But you can’t watch over her if you’re tired.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You’ve been here since yesterday.”

 

Jean felt the awkwardness in the air. She had to say something. “Thank you, Mr. LeBeau.” She interrupted. “For caring. But I feel more comfortable with Mr. Howlett.” She said in a groggy voice. “We... talk more.”

 

“It’s alright, sweetie.” He said accepting her dismissal. “Call out if there’s any need. I think Ororo will stay outside here tonight.”

 

“Thank you.” Jean smiled at him. “You’re very kind.”

 

Remy smiled sweetly at her and started walking to the door. Logan waited till he was out to speak again.

 

“I can’t stand the idiot.”

 

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

 

He snorted. “So... you, uh, wanted to look?” He pointed to her stomach with a weird strain in his voice.

 

“Um. Yeah. Can you help me stand up?”

 

He offered her his hand and she took it. They walked together to a floor length mirror in the corner of the room. She lifted her hospital gown again while he looked back at the door, making sure that no one was coming. He decided to move behind her just to be sure no one would see her. She cocked her head to the side with a curious expression on her face. She lifted a finger and tried to touch the scar before Logan snapped her hand away.

 

“Don’t.”

 

She met his gaze.

 

“It can get infected. Better to not play with it.”

 

“It’s so weird looking, though. Like a bad c-section scar.”

 

His brow wrinkled. He looked away from her and to the ground.

 

“Did they called you in to slice me open, because...” She trailed off.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“It’s a joke.” She grinned innocently.

 

“Jean...” His voice was sad.

 

“I was kidding, Logan!” She beamed. She was doing it again. Laughing about something that ought not to be joked about.

 

“I think... I owe you an apology.”

“What for?”

 

“You know what for.” He said stiff.

 

“You don’t owe me anything. We did what we did because we wanted to, right?” She asked looking him in the eye.

 

Logan exhaled a long breath. “Yes.” He finally said. “But look where it’s gotten us.”

 

“Next time we’ll be more careful.”

 

 _Next time? How could she want to repeat what happened?_ I mean, it’s not as if he didn’t want to. He did. The Wolverine did too. But he couldn’t afford to be selfish. Not when it came to her, anyway.

 

“You need to, uh-” He swallowed then continued: “You need to take care of yourself, kitten. Please.”

 

“I will. I promise.” She stood on her tiptoes trying to search for his lips, but he moved his face to the side. “Logan...” She implored. “Don’t make me beg.”

 

“If someone else com-”

 

“I just had a major surgery. We’re watched constantly, and I barely get to see you alone. The least I deserve from _you_ is a kiss.”

 

He felt guilty and she knew it. She was trying to use it against him, and it was working. She lifted her hands up to the back of his head and sweetly caressed his hair. A shiver ran down his spine. He pursed his lips in defeat and gave one last glance to the door before wrapping her hips in his arms and locking his lips on hers. They kissed lovingly and furtively, the way lovers do. He was risking everything, yet when her honied mouth was on his he didn’t care. He was all in. And by the way she was kissing him, he guessed she was too.

 

\---

 

After she finally got to her room three days later, Jean imagined she was going to be bombarded by questions of the supposed assault and her surgery by her roommate. The door made a loud creak as it closed, but afterwards there was just silence. Marie walked up to Jean’s bed and sat next to her quietly. And just when Jean was thinking that the lack of conversation was getting awkward, Marie spoke.

 

“I just don’t understand one thing.”

 

“What’s that?” Jean inquired trying to hide her nervousness.

 

“Why would you hide something like this from me? I mean, not the _assault_ ”. She was careful to tiptoe around the word ‘rape’. “But the fact that you were in pain and needed help. I could have taken you to the infirmary, no questions asked.”

 

“Really?” Jean replied with irony in her voice, not believing her for one second.

 

“Yes!” Her friend exclaimed. “I might be nosy, suga’ but I’m your friend, and if you needed privacy I would have given it to you...”

 

“Oh.” Jean said, feeling a little guilty. “Well, it didn’t hurt that badly until Monday. That’s why I didn’t say anything.” She offered as consolation. “Besides... I wasn’t assaulted.”

 

Marie narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t tell you, but you have to believe me. I wasn’t.” She shook her head emphatically.

 

Marie sighed and grabbed her hand gently. Maybe Marie thought she was in denial.

 

“I wasn’t- I wasn’t raped.” She whispered and thought of Logan and the perilous situation they were in. She wished she could tell everyone how she really felt, the joy and fright and excitement she felt every time he was near. How she wanted nothing else but to savor his lips that tasted slightly like whiskey, or hear him talk in his gruff voice all day long. But she couldn’t tell anyone what had happened that Friday night, not even Marie. Surely, she wouldn’t understand. Angry tears of impotence formed in her eyes. She was quick to dry them. Marie got up from the bed and paced around.

 

“Um.” Marie gulped. “I have something to tell you, Jean.”

 

“What is it?” Jean inquired.

 

“Almost two years ago now I had something similar happen...” She hesitated. “...To me. But I don’t think many people around here remember.” Marie’s voice was strained, and her hands were trembling.

 

Jean raised her eyebrows. “Are you saying you were...”

 

“I have a feeling we went through the same thing. I can’t explain too much either just… be careful, please.” Marie’s tone was final, but her knowing eyes seemed to be eager to say a million other things.

 

Jean was at a loss for words. Her friend had actually been assaulted. Yet, here she was worrying about her own problems without stopping to realize that other people had issues too. Real issues. Not the ‘I slept with my teacher and now I’m in over my head kind of thing.’

 

“Oh, God. Marie, I am so sorry.”

 

She brushed her comment aside and said: “Don’t. Maybe I’ll tell you someday what actually happened. All I can say right now is that the thing that hurt me the most out of the whole mess I was in, was that he broke my heart in a million pieces...” Jean stood up slowly and walked up to Marie. She hugged her friend as hard as she could without ripping one of her stitches open and they cried silently into the night.


End file.
